Devine Love

My whole life I scrambled around chasing dream after dream, I worked hard really hard but why? What was I trying to acomplish? Majority of my life I spent drunk, either in spirt or in false hopes. But why? What was that acomplishing?
I look back at myself and deep down I think the only thing that I really wanted was to be loved. To belong somewhere. To have a purpose in life. And I was willing to do anything just to have that. I look back at my boozing, with utter disguest with myself. to be honest the reason I even started drinking in the first place was to be cool, to fit in, to be like my Dad; drinkin beer with me was like a sympol of manhood ( no my Dad wasn't a drunk ). It really had nothing to do with the high ( or low ) of getting drunk, that wasn't cool to me one bit. I can still honestly say that I've never went out with the intention of getting drunk, but just the same was drunk just about everyday to one point or the other. Started out being somthing to fit in to belong then it changed into somthing to do, then it became medicine/ seditive for stress. It became a way of life, all my friends where just the same, its what we did. But really it didn't matter how much or how often it was never enough, my tank was always running on the bottom half, it never could make me happy, booze , the people, the culture didn't love me, it chewed me up and spit me out.
Work; I didn't work to live, nor did I live to work, I really worked for love, I worked for the reconiztion, I worked a built everything in hopes that my faimly would be proad of me and love me back. Sounds stupid " why wouldn't he just love them?" your probly thinking. Well this sounds even crazier , I don't think one knows how to love until he/she is loved. The kind of Love we all deep down desire is a unconditional love, and it's sad to say but unconditional love is what we all desire but we all but conditions on it, we all put our worldy values on it, and as humans we have a hard time even thinking in any other way becouse all we really kinow is the world and it's limitations. Basicly we know what we want but have a hard time giving it.
The only one that is capable of giving that kind of love is God, Jesus, and/or the Holy Spirt. For he has no worldly limitations. He dosn't think humanly, he think's devinly. And he wants us every last one of us, and will forgive us for everything!

Luke chap 7; 36-50

A sinful women anoints Jesus' feet

Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the pharisees house and reclinded at the table. when a young women who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and put perfume on them.

When the pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself " If this man were a prophet, he would know who is toaching him and what kind of women she is- that she is a sinner."

Jesus answered him, " Simon, I have somthing to tell you."

"tell me teacher." he said

"Two men owed money to a certain money lender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both. No whicth of them will love hime more?"

Simon replied, " I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled."

" You have judge correctly." Jesus said.

Then he turned towards the women and said to Simon, " Do you see this women? I came into your house, you did not give me water for my feet, but she wetr my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this women, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she poured purfume on my feet. therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgin- for she loved much. But he who has been forgivin little loves little."

Then Jesus said to her, " your sins are forgivin".

The other guests began to say amongest themeselves, " Who is this who even forgives sins."

Jesus said to the women, " Your faith has saved you, go in peace."

That scripture speaks so much to me and tells me what devine love is. It also tells me what a Christion really is. A Christion is anyone of us no matter what we where we are all the same in gods eyes, we our all his children, and he loves us all unconditionaly, and we all desire his love.

Its just a matter of realizing that it's him we really desire, Not the drink, not the toys, not the sex. Nothing can filly fulfill that desires for his love, and we are fooling ourselves with everything else.